


Is this what you Wanted

by Andyrourkehoe



Category: Arctic Monkeys, The Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: 50s-60s, Leather, Love Story, M/M, So many TLSP and AM references, Summer Romance, lgbtq+, love is love, who couldn't love a greaser?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 19:07:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16024121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andyrourkehoe/pseuds/Andyrourkehoe
Summary: Will, oh Will. Look into my eyes once more. And look at me like you used too when we were young. For that one moment and I'm yours





	1. Meeting Place

I woke up early. To early in my opinion . My mouth tasted horrible. I groaned holding my hands to my temples. Fuck what did I do last night. I tried to convince myself to fall back asleep but the pale light on the tree out side my window told me other wise. "Fuuuucckkkkk" I moaned getting out of bed and lugging my dead wait into the bathroom. My reflection felt off. Not really me. Who are you? I stepped over to the shower and put it to an exceptional temperature. I stripped down leaving my dirt tank top and pants on the floor. Mum won't be to happy. I stepped into the shower and under the spray. I remember drinking a lot last night and that was about it. It should concern me but it didn't. Once I was  dressed up I strode out into the living room. To my surprise and distaste my cousin Charles was stroan over the couch while my best mate lay on the carpet. They both were a complete mess. I kicked Davids hand lightly. He groaned and squinted his eyes. "Get up you loaf, you've got a shift to get to don't you?" He groaned again. "Fine then. Loose your job what do I care." I did care. A lot actually he was my best friend but he was lazy as all hell.  
  "Wait, James, come back" I turned back around and crouched next to him.  
  "What loaf?" He nuzzled into the pillow he was laying on.   
  "Do you think you could do my shift today? Plleeaaassseeeee! I'm to hung over to ride my bike. Can you please do this for me just once?" I sighed.  
  "And why should I do such a favor. I let you sleep in my house and this is the thanks I get." I snorted. He gave me a pitiful look. "Fine you ass, but you owe me" I went out side and to the slumped over garage.  David's bike was leaning against the wall. I grabbed today's milk out of the cooler.  He had dragged me to his work to pick it up yesterday. I do to many favors for that ass. I got on the bike and made my way to the suburban part of town. Where I lived was flates full of family's. We were in wanted. As I drove down our rode I saw kids playing under a  broken fire hydrant. It brought back memories. "I can't wait to get out of here" I mumbled under my breath. I took a look at my list. It wasn't to long but it would be a pain.  
    After riding and riding and dropping off everyone's goods I finally made it to my second to last house. I hopped off my bike near the front door. I knocked. The sound of the leather of my jacket rubbing together reminded me of how different I must look from every other boy on this side. I looked over at the lawn. It was bright green with a garden. Lucky bastards. I knocked again hoping for some sort of response. Finally the door swung open. There in the door stood the most beautiful man I've ever met. Well not a man, he had to be some where near my age.  He had longish brown wavy hair that seemed to fall perfectly. Oh god and he had piercing green eyes. I found myself staring at them.  
  "Uh, excuse me?" He said waving his hand infront of my face.  I shook my head.  
  "Oh sorry I-I'm here to drop of the milk?" I said gesturing to my bike with the wagon of milk glasses. He peered over then back at me. Oh god , please never stop looking at me.  
  "I see, you aren't the usual guy though? David is usually the one who drops it off I believe." He said crossing his arms.  
  "Yeah well, he had a bit of a rough night last night. So the poor guy sent this lovely face." He laughed at that. A smile, it was beautiful. God id love to hear that laugh forever.  
  "Alright fine, I'll take them." He gave in" but I better see David next time!" He laughed. I grabbed my list and crossed him off.  
  "I'm do you think you can sign here?" I said handing him my clip board. He nodded and wrote something down. I grabbed the basket of his goods. "So, do you hang out in town much?" I said handing him the basket and taking the board.  
  "Sometimes, I don't really have people to hang out with though. Not anyone I'm not avoiding. Why?" He questioned. The beautiful maid not having any company?  
  "I see. So would you maybe be interested in going with me? I just have one more house and then I'm all yours." I smirked trying to sound playful. I hope it worked. He thought for a moment, looking off some where in the yard. Finally he look at me with those eyes, oh those eyes.  
  "Fine, I'll come, but you better not get me into any trouble Mr." He said pointing. Fingure at me with a serious face. It melted away into a smile.  
  "Understood." I declared putting up surrendering hands. All of the sudden I felt a splash of water on my back." What the hell was that?!" I turned to look where it came from.  
  "Oh shit the sprinklers are on!" He yelled. I took his hand.  
  "Come on let's get out of here!" We ran over to my bike I got ontrying to give him as much room as possible. "Hope on!" He stepped on and put his hands on my shoulders. Please don't let go."You ready?" I asked through blushed cheeks. He nodded and gave my shoulders a light squeeze. "Let's roll!" I said as I tore out of his drive way. His grip tightened a bit. I speed to the next house trying to be carful with my cargo.  
"You are pretty good at this. I don't think I got your name though. I'm Will, and I'll have you know I don't hop on every hooligans bike who shows up on my front step." I laughed. He's a real character. He was fussing like some bird who had to prove a point.  
"I'm sure you don't! Not with that stick up your ass!" I said going a little faster. He gave my shoulder a playful punch.  
" What? I'm not saying I'm not any fun! I'm just saying I'm not going to pushed around!" He stated as a matter of fact.  
"Ah I see. I don't plan on it!" I turned and gave him a smile. His cheeks turned pink.  
"Uh-you didn't say your name!" He said looking away. I turned my eyes back to the road ahead.  
"I'm James!" I yelled as the wind tussled my hair. The sound of clothes flapping in the wind and bike chain.  
We made it to our last house he stayed with the bike will I gave the goods. When I walked back over to him, he was running his hands over the handle bars. "Ready?" I asked disrupting him from his train of thought.  
"Oh! Yes I'm ready to ride." I got on the bike. And rolled out.  
"So where do you want to go first?" I asked. Keeping my eye on the road but every part of my being wanted to look at him.  
"How about the park?"  I looked back at him he looked pleased with the idea.  
  "Sure why not." I rode the bike through town passing by many. "Do you mind if I stop at the gas station? I have to grab something." We went over a bump and I felt his arms wrap around my chest. I knew it was because he was scared of falling of but I loved the feel of it.  
  " I don't mind at all James."he said squeezing a bit tighter. I pulled into the gas station. Some privileged assholes were in the car next to us. I put a hand on his shoulder.  
  "I'll be right back." I said with a grin. I walked into the store and bought some of this and that. Things I needed for home. I walked back out to see Will talking to the people in the car. He looked uncomfortable. I waited a beat to hear what was going on. One of the girls in the car was doing most of the talking.  
  "Will you never come round any more! Why won't you come see me?" The girl pleaded  making a fake sad look. He stretched the back of his neck.  
  "Jeez,I'm sorry Linda I've just been busy. Plus I'm not really interested in the things you guys call fun. I'll see you later." The girl looked mad. The turned to the driver of the car and told them to "just drive" and then they were gone.  
  "What was that all about?" I asked walking over. Will looked from where they pulled out and back at me. He bit his lip. It dawned on me after seeing that girl that I've seen Will before.  
  "Oh them? Oh nothing just people I wish I didn't bump into. Let's-let's get going." He didn't want to tell me. Back onto the bike we went and down to the park.  
  He walked next to me with the sad look.  
"Will? I think we've met before?" Will looked surprised at this his gaze rested on mine. We both stoped walking.  
  "What do you mean? We have?" I thought he must be more confused then ever. The way a child looks when they see a bubble pop for the first time.  
  "Yeah, I think we went to school or something. I remember that Linda had the biggest crush on you." I pushed him gently , playfully. "I think you hated me our something? You were always giving me this look. I can't place it. Maybe I would know now but it felt like judgment." I laughed at that. The thought of being a child and having another child think of you as littler. I looked at him. He was already staring at me. "That's the look." I felt my stomach twist. I wanted to lean closer and get rid of this gap between us. It was already a small gap as is.  All of the sudden he started walking again. I followed after trying to keep up.   
  "I think I remember that, I didn't hate you though. More of a fascination. You were older and tough and....it was fascination. Linda has always been clingy. I'm unsure why though. There are plenty of rough boys that she could be swooning over." He kicked a rock. He look up at me with a worn-out look. I draped an arm around his shoulder.  
"Well she can't touch you now under my wing. I'm glad to hear you never hated me. I never hated you even with the looks." He rested his hand on the arm around him. We found a patch of grass that left us in a sort of solitude. He sat gently, I more or less just dropped on the ground with my eyes staring at the trees above us. "Plus it seems like she has her hands full right now with that pig in the front seat of the car." I said propping myself up on my elbow. He looked down at me while playing with a piece of grass. God I wanted to just push him down and kiss him. I knew I couldn't though.  
"Yeah maybe your right, I hope she'll leave me be. Then I won't have to pretend like I'm sick or something so I don't have to leave the house with her." He chuckled while saying this. "Oh I'm sorry Linda*cough**cough* I must be coming down with something!" Will mockingly said. I sat up.  
"But you went with me little boy? Seems suspicious." I said throwing some grass at him. He giggled at the gesture throwing some back at me.  
"Im not a little boy! You are like two or three years older that's not that bad! Plus I went with you because... I don't know I trust you and she's a nightmare. We've all got to leave at some point." As we made eye contact I swore I saw his eyes drop down a bit. Please let that be the truth.  
"You are correct. I have an idea so you won't have to see her at all. How about this, this place will be our, meeting place? It'll be our little secret hide away. Where no Linda can bother us. Sounds good?" I said putting my hand out. Will took it and gave it a good shake. He did t let go though.  
"Sounds perfect. James? Are you running from someone as well?" He squeezed my hand again. I put my other hand on top of his.  
"No, I'm not. Don't worry." I stood up. "I think I should get you home now my lady." I raised him up while still holding hands.  
"Damn, fine. But I better see you soon." We walked to my bike. He was the first to let go. I sighed.  
"I'll make it a promise as well, now get on this bike."  
We got to his house sooner then I would've liked. As Will and I approached his door he turned to me.  
"You know I wouldn't mind seeing you here instead of David." The look, it was the same as all that time ago. I found the label of it in my mind.  
"I'm glad to hear that. You'll be seeing me soon. Am I to assume you are always home then?" Will nodded. He opened the front door and stepped inside.  
"It was nice seeing you James. It really was." Look at me again. Just the same.  
"Same to you" and then he closed the door. Only to be opened another day. That look. I knew it now so well. That look, it was lust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also find this story on Wattpad you are so interested. It includes music and other things.


	2. Lovely James

Our meeting place was visited a lot by us. Any chance I got I was there, with Will. But alas here I am suck with David and Charles on my crappy couch. Charles had fallen asleep two hours ago while we tried watching the Telly. Charles was a good looking fella, probably smarter then me and David combined. He was just a heavy drinker and ruined himself. David was transfixed on the tv. He always seemed to have food with him. Any where I went with him he had something in his pocket. It astonished me. I bumped him with my shoulder. He pumped back. His floppy hair bounced.   
  "So James, where do you keep sneaking off to lately?" I was caught off guard. I sat up in my seat trying to look confident.   
  "I've just been about. Going to the park." He looked over at me unsatisfied. I could feel my brow start to sweat. I didn't want David to ruin the time together I was having with Will. Even though David was my best friend I knew he'd be jealous.   
  "That's interesting, because I was told you've been hanging out  with some bird?" Shit. Okay it'll be fine. Just explain this slowly. It'll be fine. Hey David, I've been hang out with this guy who I've had a crush on since we were little and never told you! This wasn't going to go well.  
"You have uh? Well your messenger must be blind since the girl is a boy." I said looking to my moms bed room door. I was sure she was in no state to be getting up.   
  "So you were with someone? And how is it a boy? I was told they were prancing about in a a cardigan and pink trousers!" It never really crossed my mind the way Will dressed but David had no right in shaming him for it.   
  "Well he is a boy and why do you care how he dresses you certainly don't care how you dress!" He stood up.   
  "So you've made a new best friend then? Some rich kid who is so fancy that he gets milk delivered to him?" How did I even hurt his feelings?   
  "What are you on about?! You are my best friend! Why are you getting so jealous? I'm just hanging out with the guy! And he's kind and sweet! Why wouldn't I want to hang out with him! It's not like you don't know him he is on your route, which by the way you should have been doing!" He started walking away from me as I shouted after him. Charles started to stir and sat up rubbing his eyes.   
  "What the hell is going on? What's with all the yelling?" He said looking to us. David went in the kitchen.   
"Our friend James has got a new replacement for us! Snogging him in the park probably! Forgetting all about his poor trash friends!" David was fuming but so was I. Why was he acting like this?!" We all know the big secret James!" I hated every minute of this. God take me away!  
  "That can't be true come on, both of you calm down let's sit talk. It'll all be alright" he placed a hand on davids shoulder.   
  "This has nothing to do with Charlie! So stay out of it!" I spat. I don't know where any of this was coming from I was hurt. Charlie looked even more hurt.   
"Don't you dare talk to him like that!" David marched toward the door dragging Charlie with him. "We are leaving and you can fuck off!" The door slammed and I was left on my own. I punched the wall. Why did this have to happen?! I sat on the floor of my room. Crying. How pitiful. I looked to the phone on my night stand. Fuck I'm a shit friend. I wiped my tears, climbed onto my bed and picked up the phone. Moments later the phone was ringing. Finally it was picked up. I felt a bit of a smile on my face hearing the finials voice.   
"Hello?" What a voice indeed. I held the receiver close.   
"Will? Its-It's James" I looked to the window trying to hold back the tears.   
"James, are you okay? Did something happen?" I inhaled air trying not to let my voice break. It does didn't work.   
"Yeah, something did. I just didn't know what to do." I heard shhhhing on the other end.   
"It's okay James I'll be right over." Then the line was dead. I curled up under the covers. Why would David say such things?   
A few minutes later I heard a knock at my bed room door. "James, it's me." I tucked my head further under the blankets.   
"Come in..." I shouldn't have called him. I didn't want him to see me like this. I could hear him cross the floor. The bed squeaked as he sat on the other side and laid next to me.   
"James? Jaaaaamess."he gently shook me. "Look at me" I rolled over still tucked under the covers but poked my head out. "There you are." His hand made its way through my hair. I closed my eyes from the contact. It was comforting. My eyes stung and I knew my nose must be gross. "What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" I shook my head. "What do you want me to do?" I grabbed his hand were it was on the side of my face.   
"Just, stay with me, please?" He smiled and pulled me close. His hands made soothing circles on my back. Please never let go Will. Never.   
"James, I'm here for you. Always. Remember that." I felt tears run down my face. "Can I get under the overs too?" I giggled at that.   
"Yeah but take off those shoes." He did just that and joined me under the covers.   
"Aren't you cold?" Suddenly I remember I had just been walking around in pants all day. My chest felt cold and bare.   
"A bit but it's fine." He held me close again. God he was so close. I opened my eyes and saw him staring back at me. There, there's the look. I let my eyes glance down at his lips. Fuck, I'm screwed. My eyes met his again. Fuck it. I leaned in closer and captured his lips in mine. His hands immediately went to the sides of my face. I had Will right next to me. I was kissing him. Tears were still streaming down my face. I felt him kiss back. I bit his bottom lip. Will let out a soft moan. My pants felt to tight all of the sudden. Shit. I pulled back to look at him. His lips were red and his hair a mess. His cheeks were dusted pink. I could have kissed Will over and over again. "Shit I'm sorry Will. I shouldn't have done that." I sat up grabbing a shirt from my floor. Will put a hand on my shoulder.   
"No I'm sorry, I'll just leave." He made his way to the door with his shoes. Those cheeks still rosey.   
"Ah wait Will!" He looked to me. The look was somewhat still there. I didn't want him to leave. But I didn't want to force him. "Will I see you on Friday at the wharf?" He look to the door then me.   
"Yeah,sure James. See you later." And then he was gone and I was alone yet again.


	3. The Wharf

  I sat out side the club for 20 minutes waiting for Will in the chill air. We hadn't talked since... it happened, not to surprising . I made up sort of with David and Charles. They were already inside. I sighed. I was ready to go in but I wanted to make sure Will could find it or even show up. I felt defeated and kicked the ground. Why do I do this to myself?  
"Hey James." It was him. The man I've been waiting all night for. God he was beautiful. With  that dark hair and tanned skin. "Have you been waiting long? I got caught up with something with my parents." I leaned off of the wall. My boots scuffed the ground which echoed.   
"No not long. I just wanted to see you." He smiled. Let me see it again! "Well I got two people I'd like you to meet." We headed inside. I felt Wills hands wrap around my arm to stay close. It comforted me that there was nothing bad between us. To many people tonight. I spotted David and Charles. They weren't hard to spot with there clad leather jackets. It seemed David already had enough to drink, Charles looked like he was close. I tapped David on the shoulder. He turned to look at me, a smirk on his square jaw and sweat dripping down his brow.   
"Ha, James you've finally come to join us!" He clapped me on my shoulder. It shook me a bit. Will coughed. I took this as my queue.   
"Yes, finally here. There's someone I'd like you to meet. " I stepped aside pushing will in front of mellow a school project"This is William!" David look at him skeptically. He must have been unimpressed.   
"Hi, nice to meet you!" Will stuck out his hand. David was reluctant. Suddenly Charles leaned over and shook Will's hand.   
"Nice to meet you Will! I'm Charles! Don't mind this old fart. His just jealous. On the inside he's a bed cuddly teddy bear." Charles wrapped an arm around David's shoulder. I saw a smile creep onto David's face.   
  "Stop telling people that you ass." He nugged him. Will looked to me with a questioning look.   
  "Don't worry this is a normal Friday night for them." I whispered to him. He nodded with a smile. There's that smile. I looked him in the eye." You want a drink?" I ask. Another nod." Alright stay here I'll be back" then I was off to the bar.   
Sitting there waiting for the drinks I saw a girl eyeing me from the other side of the bar. To be a tease I winked at her. She smiled back and took a sip of her drink. While I wait for the other drinks I asked for a couple of shots for myself to feel a little buzz. I looked back over at the girl. She was walking towards me. Her long sable brown hair which curled in at the ends draping over her, framing her face very nicely. She stood next to me.   
"Hey there tough boy" I smiled, it was an uninterested smile, but I didn't want to be rude by bluntly saying fuck off.   
"Hi, I'm just buying drinks, didn't mean to bother you." Try to escape. I stepped to the side so did she. All of the sudden I felt a strong hand on my shoulder.   
"Fuck off Dona he's uninterested." She made an offended face then walked off. "Jeez mate can't you keep it in your pants. You are already here with someone." He said. I know he meant it lightly but I felt hurt. I wasn't trying to pick her up.   
"I wasn't trying to get with her! She came over to me!" Trying to salvage some credit. David looked unimpressed.   
"All I'm saying is Will saw you guys and looked a bit upset. I don't know what you two have but don't ruin it mate. Unlike you some of us don't have the balls or leisure to show who they are. He looked nervous then anything saying these things. I put my hand on my hip taking a sip from one of our drinks.   
"I assume you know first hand then don't you?" He looked over at Will and Charles then to his feet.   
"Unfortunately I do actually." He looked ashamed and mournful.   
"Wait, so that means-you-Charles-oh lord!" Some how I felt betrayed by all of this. How could they never tell me? I'm there best friend? And Charles, Charles is my cousin every thing started fitting together. "Holy shit, I-excuse me." I started to walk off. I didn't need this now.   
"James wait! Please! Can we talk this over?" I was having non of it not after everything thing. I felt bad leaving Will behind but I needed a couple of drinks and time to think. After a while of avoiding I decided to go wash off my face in the bathroom.   
As the cool refreshing water washed over my face I felt a bit calmer. I inhaled then exhaled. It's all fine James. It's going to be fine. If anything David needs you right now. Then I heard the bathroom door open. I looked up into the mirror and saw Will looking around the room with a worried look which then softened when he looked over to me.   
"Oh there you are! I've been looking for you all night! Where have you been?" I said nothing. I just looked at him in those beautiful eyes. "What's wrong? Are you okay? I saw David looked pretty upset." I held open my arms. The last thing I wanted was to talk. He hugged me and held me tight. I couldn't help myself being this close to him. I gave him a peck on the neck, then another, then another. I pulled him back against the counter kissing him more. "James-James, wait we are in a bathroom, and you're drunk. You don't mean any of this. I don't want to do this here. Let's just talk" I pulled away and looked him in the eye.  
"I don't want to talk about it. And this tells me other wise. I lifted my knee against him. He let out a grunt. "The body betrays you so well" he gave me the thing I wanted to see all night. It was that look. I yearned for that look from those eyes.   
"This isn't fair, you don't play fair" I smirked. I took his hand and gave it a light kiss. Slowly I pulled him into one of the stales with me. He let out a soft chuckle. Once the door was closed I kissed him. But it wasn't like before it wasn't rough or a quick thing. This was more passionate more needy. I let my hand fall to his ass as I pushed him against the door. His were in my hair gripping tightly. I didn't want him to ever let go. I let one of my hands stray to the front of his trousers cupping is cock through the fabric. He let out a moan through the kiss. I pressed again. He gripped tighter on my hair. I left kisses on his jaw then his neck. I wanted to kiss every part of him. My hand finally decided to go for it and slipped into his pants. I could feel his knees buckle under me. I loved that I was the one doing this to him. Make his lips red, his cheeks red and his hair a mess. I ran my hand up and down his cock pressing the top. "Fuck-James-please-" he held my shoulder and rested his head on them. I kissed his neck and his ear.   
"Wait, sit up for me." I took my hand out of his trousers. He hissed missing the contact. I gave him a rough kiss then dropped slowly to my knees. It wasn't exactly where I wanted to be doing this but fuck it. I looked up at him. His eyes watched every little thing I did. I unzipped his pants and all together I pulled down his jeans then his pants down to his knees. I placed my hands on his hips.  
"Wait, you're drunk! We shouldn't do this! Plus what if we get caught?!" He protested.   
"It's fine Will, I want to do this. The real question is do you want me to?" He looked up to the ceiling looking for an answer as he ran his hands through his hair. He finally looked down to me.   
"Fuck-fine-just-do it" that's all I needed to hear. I gripped the base of his cock giving the head a kiss. I kept a hand still on his him. I could feel him Trembling under me. I started slowly trying to go all the way down. I looked back up at him. He was holding onto the sides of the stale. His head was back and he was biting his lip. Good. I came back up slowly, teasing him. One of his hands came down to cover his mouth. I started going faster. His other hand wasn't on the wall for long it was in my hair, holding on for dear life. I came back down again a couple more times. I felt Will's hips jerk forward and I knew he was close. I held his hips down not wanting him to go just yet. A few more times with my hand  instead and he was over the edge. It had only gotten on my hand so I just whipped it off on toilet paper and down the toilet. I came back to Will. I kissed him, this time it was sweet. I think it was a relief for both of us, in any sense. "Shit James that was," he held onto my shoulders for balance.   
  "I know, I know. Now please kiss me." He did just that leaning forward and kissing me, I felt him slip his tongue in this time. Oh god, let this night never end.   
  All of the sudden I heard the door open. SHIT! I stood up on the toilet quickly and softly while covering Will's mouth with my hand. It was and uncomfortable moment hearing the man in the stall next to us release him self and then leave. I got back down off the toilet. "Jesus Christ, how rude!" Will laughed at that. Pulling his pants back up.   
  "Didn't even wash his hands!" Will jokingly said as we left the stall. We did what that man happened to not do. Looking around the bathroom I realized how truly gross it was. Great, what a lovely memory. Will gave me a quick kiss. "We should probably go find David and Charles so at least they know we didn't ditch. I groaned.   
  "Fine, but that doesn't mean I want to talk to them." I stated. That look was still there and I loved every minute of it.


	4. The Quarry

Will was away with his parents today, so this gave me sometime for it to just be me and the boys. It felt a little awkward now that I knew there little secret but I loved them both and didn't really care that much. They made me get up early that morning to take them on a bike ride to the Quarry. It was an old one,mostly filled with water from rain and not being taken care off. We'd swim and lounge about there. It was our place just like the park was Will and I's place. After pedaling and pedaling we made it to our road. We haven't been there in ages because of what had happened... I still blamed myself for it.   
When the lads and I were young it wasn't just the three of us it was also David's kid brother Joseph. We'd all go to the quarry and play pirates. We always looked after him. He was a sweet kid. If David and him were the same age they almost could have been twins. To us he was all of our brother. One day during a hot summer heat wave David decided to stay at Charles' house while I stayed at mine and didn't go to the quarry. Joseph was at David's house with their parents. Apparently their parents had gotten into a fight. They didn't even notice him slip out the door and onto the hot street of our block. He had managed to ride his bike all the way to the quarry on his own. He must have thought we were late getting there and thought he could get out of the heat by going in the water. The search party found it two hours later after his mom noticed he was missing. Joesph didn't know how to swim by himself. He had drowned. David still blames himself to this day about it. He wished he had been home looking after him. Charles blames himself for having David over at his house. I blamed myself for letting it all happen.   
  As our bikes rode over the infamous stump we made our way into the clearing. Wild flowers had made their home here. I looked over to Charles and David. I could see tears welling up in David's eyes. Charles took his hand and with the other patted his shoulder. "It's more beautiful then I remember. Look at these flowers!" I said running through them trying to forget. They followed in suit and completely let go. We shouted and ran about. Charles the smart one out of us stood on a high rock.   
  "Where shall we three meet again in thunder, lightning, or in rain?" Charles made a wicked look at us. I remembered the line from when he would read Shakespeare to us here. I ran to the side of the rock and peered up.   
  "When the hurly-burly's done,When the battle's lost and won!" I shouted back. I felt a huge grin creep across my face. It felt like the good old days.   
  "That will be ere the set of sun." David said springing  onto another rock. He cackled and jumped back down.   
  "Where the place?" Charles questioned tapping his chin. I pointed over to the wild flowers next to our rocky stage.   
  "Upon the heath!" I exclaimed. Charles made an approving sound then sledded down the rock.   
  We all grouped together. Bumping eachother with elbows and rough housing.   
  "There to meet with Macbeth!" David finished then gave a bow. We all laughed and clapped.   
  We found our selves sitting on that very rock stage talking about nothing but everything.   
  "I love you guys" I finally said laying back against the warm sun soaked stone.   
  "We love you too James." They laid back as well.   
  "I miss doing this. I miss you guys." We all linked hands becoming a human triangle. The tingle of tears filled my eyes. I could hear the others sniffling as well.   
  " I miss him.." Charles and I both looked at David. He face was blotchy and full of tears. We held him in our arms incasing him in a hug.  My emotions got the better of me holding them both. I could see it was the same for Charles." If I had been home-If my parents looked after their own son-if I was a good brother-he would still be here" Charles took his face in his hands.   
  "Listen to me David, you are an amazing brother. You couldn't have known. There was nothing either of us could have done. But we are here now and He loved you very much." David nodded. He looked defeated. "Lets go home, okay?" Charles asked rubbing away David's tears. Another nod. We all stood up and walked back to our bikes. As we walked Charles held David around the shoulders guiding him. I looked ahead. My mind was so full of so many things.  David, Charles, Joseph, flowers, Shakespeare, Will. I had put off thinking about Will. I missed him so much. He wouldn't get back till about dinner.   
  Once we were on our bike we rode in silence. We stopped at David's house and dropped him off, then it was just me and Charles. He rode close next to me. "So you really love this guy?" Asked Charles looking straight on.   
  "I do, I really do." It felt good to get it off my chest. To be able to talk to someone about it.   
  "Then what's the hold up? He likes you, you like him." He said finally looking at me. We had reached my house and were walking our bikes to the shed.   
  "His parents, me, it's just impossible. It would never work out." It hurt to say these things but it was the truth. Charles sighed.   
"I can see where that would be an issue. I hope it works out for you though." We made our way inside and went to our respective rooms. I flopped on my bed not wanting to move. I really loved Will.


	5. Isnt it boring when I talk about my dreams?

That night I had strange dreams. In them I was all alone, in a dark place. It was so cold and I felt afraid, I felt great loss, I didn't know why. I could still smell the distant sent of lavender. It was so potent in my dream. I sat up in bed. The clock read   
1:00am  
Crap, it was to early for this shit. I covered my face with my blanket. My mind drifted back to the cold dark place. I opened my eyes again, giving up on the notion that I was going to fall asleep. I could hear crickets outside my opened window but there was no light of the coming morning. I was to afraid to try and sleep again I decided to go to the only place I knew was safe, was home. Slowly I creeped out of the house and to my bicycle. I took one last look at my home before riding off into the night.   
  The roads were silent. As much as I hated being up I loved the silence. The only lights were the street lamps and the lights from people's doors. I knew this route by heart now but never had I done it at night. The world seemed different. Before the thoughts could creep any further I was in the front of my love's house. Oh, my love. I snuck round back to his bedroom window and gave it a light knock. Nothing. Another knock. The curtains pulled back and a drowsy looking Will appeared. I love this boy. He looked confused then smiled. The window opened and Will stick his head out. "What on earth are you doing here?" He asked trying to hide his smile. I took his face in my hands and pushed his messy hair out of his face. God he's so beautiful.   
  "I came here to see you, I missed you." I gave him a soft kiss. That hidden smile was now very wide on his face. "Can I come in?" I said giving him another kiss. He leaned back.   
  "Fine, but no funny business. My parents are a sleep." I nodded climbing in. I slipped my shoes off and embraced him. His arms wrapped around me. I pulled my fave away just enough to look at him. He put his nose to mine.  I swayed us back and forth in a dancing motion. His room unlike mine was well kept. He only had a desk, a chair, and a bed. All of his clothes were in a closet. I spun him around then pulled him back close to me. We rested our heads together. I could hear him humming something. Will looked up at me, it was a different look it was a soft look. I closed the space between us with another soft kiss. My face felt wet. " James? Are you okay? Why are you crying?" I looked at him confused then touched my cheeks. I was indeed crying. I felt so over whelmed by everything.   
  " I didn't even notice, sorry" he kissed me then wiped my tears away.   
  "Don't be sorry, did something happen? Is that why you are hear. I couldn't bring myself to say so instead I just held him close and let it all out. "Oh James, here come lay on the bed. He walked us over to the bed then tucked us both under his covers. I buried my face into his chest.   
  " I had such a terrible dream Will. It felt so real. I was so alone. So afraid. Please, please promise me that will never happen." It was more of a statement then a question. He kissed the top of my head while he stroked my hair.   
"I promise James, I promise" I looked up at him tear tracks covered my face. He looked so beautiful in the dim light. God never let me go Will. He leaned down and gave me a tender kiss. I felt calm again. He pulled away and wiped my cheeks then kissed them both. "Now come here and get a bit of sleep. You'll have to leave soon so my parents don't see you." I nodded and pushed my head against his chest nuzzling close. He made shapes on my back till I drifted off.   
Three hours later I felt Will shake me lightly." Love, James, it's time to wake up." His sweet tone brought a smile to my face even if I didn't want to be up. My eyes fluttered open to a smiling Will.   
"Time to go?" I said with a pout. He nodded. I let out a sigh. I pulled him in tightly. "Will?" He hummed in answer.  I looked him in the eye and traced his jaw with my hand. "I-I love you." He looked shocked in the now sunrise light. Oh god did I just fuck up?! Should I have just not said anything?!  
  "I love you too." Will declared with a smile. I never felt so happy in my life. "Now get out of my house before I kiss you all over that face of yours and you are never able to leave." He lightly pushed me. I giggled and pulled the covers off.   
  "You say it like it's a bad thing." I took his hand and pulled him over to the window giving him chaste kisses before opening it. I climbed out trying to be quiet. Still holding my hand he pulled me in for one last kiss.   
  "I'll see you later? The same place?" Will asked through the kiss.   
  "Yes,yes of course." I kissed him once on the nose then backed up. "See you!" He waved to me as I ran to the front of the house and to my bike.   
  Riding back home I felt like I was on air. He loves me. This filled me with so much joy passing by all the men getting in their cars in the morning mist headed to work. The air was wet and the clouds promised rain. But none of it could let down my mood.


	6. Goodbye my Lover

  The grass was wet from morning dew and the park was mostly empty. Most people had work. This left me alone with my thoughts for a bit as I made my way through the park. The lush leaves of the tress created detailed shadows on the pavement blocking the harsh sun from my eyes. Birds chirping brought me back from my dazed off look. A couple of feet from our tree I stopped. I could see Will there. His head rested against it , a book in hand. His brown hair gently danced around his face. How was I sow lucky? Look at him! Absolutely perfect. His dark eyes were transfixed on the passage he was reading. As I continued walking squinted at the cover recognizing the tittle.   
  "The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means!" I called to him. He looked up with a grin placing the book down.   
  "I see you've read the importance of being earnest" I stood above him looking down at that gorgeous face. "I am sick to death of cleverness." He quoted back at me. His hair swept across is face once more. His eyes shined up at me, reflecting the light of the sun making them sparkle. I could see light freckles scattered across that beautiful face. I leaned down and kissed his nose. It was quick but I loved the contact. "Sit with me?" He asked with a shy smile.   
  "Gladly my love." I answered slowly sitting as close as I could next to him. He smelled  of fresh laundry and lilac. I laid  my head on his shoulder nuzzling my nose into his hair and inhaling deeply taking it in. His head laid on mine his cheek rested on my forehead. If I could freeze time in this exact moment I would. Sadly time and life were not so kind. Little did I know of the storm brewing. Figuratively and literally.   
As Will turned he dog eared pages I felt a drop of water fall on my cheek. Then another on my resting hand. I kissed Will's neck softly. "We should get going Will, it's starting to rain." I ran a hand through his hair. He placed his book mark on his decided stopping point.   
"You are probably right." He left a kiss on my cheek where moments ago the rain had been. I stood up and brushed of my arse as best I could. Will placed his book in his oversized jacket pocket. He reached out his hand for mine which I took pulling him up next to me.   
The air smelled fresh around us as we walked toward his house. It was merely a drizzle till we were at least a block away from his house. He took my hand and ran to the front door quickly opening it. He laughed as we made it in and closed the door behind us."I'll go get us some towels and some dry clothes for you." Will says giving me a peck on the lips. I smile as I peer around the room. Nicknacks here and there ,photographs of Will's family. It felt like a normal loving house, unlike mine. I creeped over to Will's door. He was digging through he drawers , looking for clothes, he held a towel under his right arm as he dug through. I walked up behind him and snuck my arms around his waist. He leaned into me as I left kissed on his neck possibly leaving marks"James, you are soaking wet." He said trying to get away. I chuckled and give him one more kiss and took the towel from him. He continued searching through his drawer. I sat on the footboard of the bed and stripped my shirt off. Discarding it on the floor somewhere, I took the towel and dried my hair and chest. I looked back up to Will. He was standing there a shirt in hand, looking at me.   
  "Like what you see?" I asked causing him to blush. He threw the shirt at my face.   
  "Shut up and but the fucking shirt on" he retorted. This made me laugh I slipped it on then looked back to him. He started getting undressed setting the wet clothes to the side. He was just standing in his underwear. "Hey Will?" My mind was racing, then it jumped to what had happened last night, or more of this morning. "Did you mean what you said?" He looked at me confused. He walked over to me holding a shirt in hand.   
  "What do you mean love?" He said brushing my cheek with his fingers. I held them there with a gentle and and kissed his palm.   
  "Exactly that, that you love me?"he smiled at the gesture or maybe the words.   
  "Yes James, I'm very much in love you." He loved me. And I loved him standing so close making me feel safe making me feel as though I was home, finally. I looked to his lips then back to his eyes.   
  "Well Will, I'm very much in love with you." He placed his forehead mine. I could feel he breath on my lips and I couldn't take it anymore. I closed the space between kissing him roughly. My body felt on fire. He pulled at my shirt to the point I thought it would rip. The thought turned me on. I slide my hand down his chest and palmed him through his pants, he was already hard. I guess it turned him on too. To this he moaned into my mouth and gripped tighter,if possible, to my shirt. I felt he knee come up between my legs in response grinding his hips roughly against my own.   
  All of the sudden Will's door burst open. Will and I jumped apart looking at what I assumed was Will's mother.   
  "HOLY FUCKING JESUS WHAT IS GOING ON!" I looked to Will who was filled with tears and looked afraid. Fuck, fuck, how did I let this happen?! "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME?! AND YOU WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT!" His mother was furious. Will was shaking. I went to reach for him and comfort him but "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE AND NEVER SEE MY SON EVER AGAIN!" I made my way through the door pushing past here. Once at the front door I looked back once more. Will was looking at me his mom was yelling and saying such hurt full things. It made me think of my mother. I looked to the door only to see a tall man standing soaking wet with groceries. He looked at me then to Will's mom. Shit.   
  "Who the hell is this?" He asked his wife. She came over to him as he stepped inside pushing me to the side.   
  "This is your sons little fag boyfriend! I just caught them together Mark!" He looked to Will then his wife, from her to me.   
  "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" I wasn't going to get pushed around like this cause I wanted to be with someone and their tiny shit brains couldn't handle it.   
  "FUCK YOU! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG! I LOVE YOUR SON SO YOU CAN JUST PISS OFF! HIS DONE NOTHING WRONG!" I shouted loudly, so much that it hurt my throat and burned my lungs. This was answered by a punched to the face. I couldn't feel the pain though. I could hear Will shouting. But my head was ringing. I fell to the ground. Everything was spinning and the ringing wouldn't stop. Another hit. A kick to the stomach. I felt a hand grab me by the collar of my shirt. Swiftly I was thrown outside onto the drive way. I laid there for a moment listening to the front door slam and hearing more yelling. I stared off onto the rain flooded street. A hit of my own blood surrounding me. I grunted then carful stood up. Every fiber in my being ached, but my heart most of all. We'd been caught, our goose was cooked. I'd never get to see him ever again. His smile and laughed flashed in my mind as I dragged myself to my house. Stumbling I memorized the feeling of his lips against my own which always tasted of almonds and vanilla. Cherished memories I'd never relive but I'd do it in an instant. All of the sudden I heard a car door open I hadn't even noticed it pulled up next to me. I felt arms wrap around me.   
  "James?! James?! Are you alright?!" It was the soothing sound of David's voice. I responded by leaning myself on him. I felt horrible. I didn't even feel myself start to cry. All I could feel was the sting of the cold rain as it echoed along with my loud sobs. "Let's get you home" he walked me to the back seat and laid me down. The last thing I remember was seeing a crack of lighting in the sky as I drifted off into sleep.


	7. Crawling back to you

It had been a year and six months since I last saw Will. His dad had apparently broken my nose which I didn't find out till the next day after David had picked me up off the side of street. I except that his parents either sent him away or will never let him leave that prison of a house. I guess I was no better I was slowly becoming more and more like my mother. Never leaving the house unless I was at a bar or a club. When I wasn't there I was drinking on my couch or crying in my room. The taste familiar in my family. Alcoholism. David and Charles would stop in once in a while to see that I was still eating. I felt like nothing. I felt nothing. Just the pang in my chest and the emptiness in my mind. My eyes fogged and my ears numb. I had blocked myself from the world creating a dark cloud over my head of dark thoughts. At night I dreamed of him, of his voice reading me Wilde, of his lips, of those eyes. I could feel his skin beneath mine. Fucking hell. I pushed my self up in bed wiping the tears out of my eyes my exposed stomach hitting the chill air. I cringe at the feeling. Rolling out of my bed and across my trashed room I made my way into the shower trying to get myself somewhat decent. I ended up losing myself in though staring at the drain. I closed my eyes and and opened them again. I was in my room dried and dressed. Lacing up my shoes I made my way out the door and back to the wharf where I started it all. I already felt buzz even though I hadn't had anything to drink yet.   
The lights in the club bounced about making my head ring. The world was spinning and skipping about. Bodies pressed against my own as I did the same. Sweat on sweat. Skin on skin. I pictured them as him. Every one was him in my mind. I went back to the bar and did a couple of shots with a random bird. Soon I found myself stumbling outside. The heavens seemed to quack and the pavement spin. The streets seemed more dirty and rained on then usual setting in a greater feeling of depression. Down the street a a street lamp and under it a payphone. Bugs surrounded the alluring light. I strode towards it and picked up the receiver. Straining my brain I dialed the one I wanted to see the most. After the third the ring the phone was picked up. I leaned myself up against the box.   
"Hello? This is the Jones' house?" God that voice made me melt on the spot. "Hello? Hello?" He called. I smiled at the curiousness in his voice.   
"Hiya Will" I could picture his face. I loved that beautiful face as much as I had convinced myself I hated it with all my being. His end was silent for a moment.   
"James? Why are you calling this number? Why are you calling me?" He said with announce and sadness in his voice. It hit my hard.   
"I missed youWill, sooooo much. I-I couldn't stand another day of not-not hearin from you." I closed my eyes as the harsh light from the street lamp stung my eyes making them water. It was if something else?   
"You idiot. Are you drunk?! I'm going to call Charles to come pick up" my eyes snapped open at question.   
"Yes I am a bit drunk but you don't need to call anyone. I'm fine. Soooo fine. I just couldn't get you off my mind" I closed my eyes once more all of the sudden feeling very tired.   
"Listen, James you can't keep calling. It's time to face it. My parents said I can never see you ever again. And I think it might be for the best. Don't call here anymore."  
"Wait! I can't just forget you!" I pleaded. I could never go without ever seeing him. My life would crumble completely. I'd fall apart worse then I have been.   
"Don't call anymore James, I beg of you" I could feel the pain in his voice. I knew the tears in my eyes were indeed from the emotional s flooding my senses.   
"Wait Will!" A pause waiting for an answer. I held back the tears. I didn't want him to here them.   
"What is it?" He asked gently. I held the side of the phone booth for support.   
" I love you, I always will." Another pause. I could hear sobbing on the other end. I held the phone tight in my hand.   
"I could never love you." And then the phone receiver went dead. Oh god , oh god, I sank to the pavement resting my head on the poll as my body shook with every wave of tears. How could he say such a thing?! How could he?! I punched a poll hard. Fuck him! Fuck him! Fuck him! I hit and kicked the pole. A car pulled up next to me there in the front seat sat Charles.   
"James. James! Get in the fucking car!" I looked to him then my bloodied knuckles. I nodded and got in. We drove in silence for most of the way. "I think you should stay away from him"I looked at him. His eyes still stayed on the road.   
"Did he call you..." I could feel tears once more. I felt betrayed and my head was filled with cotton clouding my vision.   
  "He did." I was over the edge once more. My knuckles stung and my heart was breaking. All at once I felt the hours of sleep I've missed, the burn in my throat, and aches and empty stomach.   
  "I love him so much Charles-" I subbed in my hands. I felt a reassuring hand on my back.   
  "I know , I know, in a few years he'll be the last person you think of.   
   That night as I crawled into a bed that was not mine under a roof that was not my own. Will was the last person I thought of before I went to sleep.


	8. Such a perfect place to start

  I stumbled into my studio apartment, hanging my coat up. Finally out of the brisk air I made my way to the kitchen. Leaning against the counter I grabbed an apple and took a bite. I was tired and felt defeated. I'd like to say that after eight years I was doing better, the truth was  I was not. No where near. I had tried to find somebody new but I always found myself falling back to Will. I couldn't move on. I felt so much hate for him and so much love. God it's cold. I went over to my closet and pulled a jumper on. Walking over to my big windows I glared out looking down on the people below. All of the sudden I heard the phone ring. Groggily I walked over to the stand next to the couch and picked up the receiver. While I rested it on my shoulder I poured my self a glass of whiskey. "Hello? This is James Clarke." I questioned. Who could be calling me? And why now just after I got of work. I nursed my glass.   
"Ello James it's Charles!-"  
"AND DAVID!" I laughed at this. Who else could it have been the damn bastards. They lived relatively near by, claiming to the land lady they were room mates. We all knew the real purpose of this. They had helped me get through the years. Never leaving my side. I loved the fuckers. They were especially caring when my mother passed away. Something that nagged at me often.   
"Hi boys, what are you calling for? I just got home." I said trying not to sound rude.   
"We know that's why we called now. You need to get out of the house more and there's this party we are going to later and you are coming with us. So get some nice clothes on and meet us at the coffee shop and will walk from there together." I groaned into the phone. I placed my glass down and looked at the clock.   
"Fine,I suppose I'll see you in a few minutes. Ciao." I hung up the phone. Damn them. At least I'll get a free drink out of this. I'll get the ringing out of my head and the ache from my chest. Then again it could just become worse.   
It didn't take me long to make it all the way down my stairs and back out into the cool, brisk air.the sun was already starting to set send orange reflections on the buildings surrounding me as I walked.   
  Finally I spotted David and Charles and what looked like a few others. I fixed the collar of my coat trying to keep warm as I got closer. "Evening lads." I spoke bumping David in the shoulder with my own.   
  "Ah you made it! Let's get going then. " I laughed as David looped our arms together along with Charles. Two of their mates walked ahead of us. David looked to me and with a hushed voice.   
  "Not to be rude dear but you look awful. Have you been getting any sleep?" I sighed at this. I couldn't look him in the eye and tell him about the nightmares or about the pain of having been promised that he'd stay by my side only to be pushed away. My dream had come true. I was all alone in a dark place.   
  "My sleep schedule hasn't been that great." He looked down then to Charles.   
  "You know you can always stay at ours if you need company Jimmy boy."  I nudge him in protest against the horrible nickname.   
  "I'll take a hard pass on having to hear you two shagging in the next room thank you very much!" This got them to laugh and me off the hook for a moment. I loved them dearly but I think it was better being on my own. Soon we approached a very big beautiful apartment building. "Jesus Charles who are this people? Millionaires?" I said in aw of the building.   
  "Well one of them pretty much is. My friend John made it pretty good in the world. His wife is a clothing designer I believe?" How did Charles cone to know these people? It was to much to take in.   
  The walk up the stairs was strenuous but we finally made it to the right door. David stepped forward and gave the door a good knock. Music blared through the wall. Muffled and unsure of itself. The door flung open reveling a very drunk man with cropped hair. In an expensive looking out fit.   
  "Ah Charlie, David,Timothy,Scott, and I'm not sure I know you?" He said pointing to me. "What's your name?" I stepped closer so I wasn't shouting over the music.   
  "James!" He smiled at the answer.   
  "Nice to meet you James, Im John" I shook his hand. "Well then everyone in!" He said stepping to the side. I gave David a side look as we stepped into a very beautiful apartment. The room was blanketed in darkness aside from ceiling light making the room glow with a wide array of colours. The room was complete with a disco ball and a bar. Shag carpeting everywhere. An over stimulating powerhouse. All around us sweaty bodies covered in sparkles and shimmering clothes facing in times with the music. If was a wide variety of people.   
  "Come on James lets get you a drink." David said clapping me on the shoulder. I followed him to bar. He then turned to me and handed me a random cup and said drink up. I did as I was told and drank its contents. The night ran slowly. Mostly me sitting on a couch with a couple snogging next to me. I felt uncomfortable as 'fooled around &I fell in love' played softly through the speakers. I looked to the corner of the room and spotted David and Charles talking with who I now know as Scott and Timothy. I sighed looking at the vast crowd of people. I didn't know a single one of them and I felt so alone. I could feel myself welling up. I quick took a big gulp from my cup. It burned going down and I wanted to do was find a quiet place and hide. Away from all of those eyes, away from anyone. I could feel the dark void growing. Pulling me away. I took another sip from the cup just starting to feel the buzz. I felt warm and filled with anxiety. It was to fucking crowded. To much going on. I looked up trying to pull myself from this. Across the room I couldn't believe what I saw. There sitting across the room, through the crowd of people. I saw-I saw him. Will. How could he be here?! His hair was even longer then before. Down to his shoulders. His face sharper. He was much taller. He looked intoxicating in a black suit. He was talking to a beautiful woman that sat next him on a love seat similar to the one I was one. God despite all this he look so beautiful and just as young as he did back then. I found myself standing up. I had no idea of what I was going to do or say. All I knew was I had to say something. I made my way through the rocking bodies. Glitter and confetti raining down on me. How? Why on this day so many years later did I see him now? At this party of all things? Where has he been this whole time? These all raced through my mind. I stood a few feet from him taking him in. God he is so handsome. He was laughing at something then slowly I made eye contact with him. His face changed from a smile to complete and utter shock.   
"Jesus Christ." He said standing up. I stepped closer trying to hold a smile.   
"Uh- Hi Will-" he stepped back holding to the collar of his shirt.   
"How-how is this possible? What are you doing here?!" He pointed at me horror painted on his face.   
"I'm guessing same as you? Friends dragged me into it. Will I-"   
"No, no I hav-have to go. I'm sorry James." He walked past me grabbing a coat and heading toward the door. I froze but soon got a hold of myself and ran after him. I lost him once. I wasn't going to do it again. Running down the zig zag stairs I caught sight of him.   
"Will wait!! Please!" I almost caught him as he dashed out the door. Fucking hell he is fast! Finally I spotted him as I came out onto the side walk. "WILL STOP!!" He stood frozen. " I walked over to meet him where he stood. Once I reached him, in the darkness of a fall night, I could see him shaking and quivering. I put a hand on his shoulder. "Please look at me..." he tugged his shoulder and started walking faster. I was loosing ideas. I scrambled my mind trying to think of something. Finally something clicked.   
"WILL, I LOVE YOU, VERY MUCH SO!"I called to him. He stopped in his tracks. He spun around to look at me his face was covered in tears, his hair stuck to his face. "Will I never stopped loving you! I loved you from the moment I saw you. And I always will love you, and only you." Slowly I walked over to him and held his arms. His eyes we water and large his lashes perfectly placed. His nose cold from the weather.   
"I never stopped loving you either, not for a single moment." He said holding my shoulders. His grip was soft and warming. I pushed the hair from his face. Cars passed by giving his face luminous glow. I did I live nine years with out him? With those long beautiful fingers on delicate hands. Matched to a face just as delicate " I love you, very much too." With out thinking I closed the space between us pressing our bodies together. God everything was the same. The way he felt against me the smell and taste of him mixed with alcohol. Loved every minute. He pulled away at last. "We can't do this here" he said running his hands through my hair.   
"Then come back to mine, it's just me there. We will be able to..talk." He nodded and gave me a smile. How I missed it so.   
We walked in a comfortable silence. I could feel his heat radiating off of him. Finally we made it to my front door. "I'd like to apologize about the mess." I said as I opened my door and led him in. He followed and looked around with big eyes.   
"Fuckin hell James this place is beautiful." He stood hanging his coat up. Underneath he wore a black turtleneck. I chuckled looking to the hardwood floor. It creaked as I leaned on my hip.   
"Thank you , I try my best." He giggled. Several minutes went by. Finally I looked back into his eyes. Fuck those eyes. He licked his bottom lip and I was done for. I strode over to him and held his hips as I slowly pushed him up against the closet wall in couraging a moan from Will his hands ran up my shirt and back down. Every where he touched felt like a fire. A burning feeling that I craved. " I love you , I love you, I love you" I whispered to him giving him a kisses down his jaw line.   
  "Lets-lets go to your room" he said clawing at my back as bit and kissed his collar bone. I picked him up as he wrapped his legs around my hips and kissing me behind my ear as I walked into my room and carefully put him down. I kissed him and slowly took of his shirt and tossed it to the side exposing skin I'd seen to little of. He giggled as I ran my hands down his chest. I looked back up into those beautiful eyes. And I saw it, that look. Oh how I loved that look. Fuck me, he was so gorgeous. Red lips, sweaty skin and tousled hair. "I'm mad for you James" he said through audible pants. I felt his hands slid up arms leaving goosebumps in their wake, then stayed on my shoulders. "I need you." I picked him up once again.   
"You have all of me darling"I laid him on the bed and kissed down his chest. His stomach was a star constellation of love bites. He moans and whimpered under me, intertwining our fingers together I had him shaking. Once I got to the trousers button I looked back up at him. He looked down at me with that look , taking deep breath" Are you sure you want this?" I asked. I've waited to have him in my life for so long. And here he was the man of my dreams. The one I fell in love with. The boy who would read to me at our meeting place. Would walk to the library in town, we'd purposely walk close together so our hands would bump into eachother, that's all we could do in public. He was the one who made me happiest. Who excepted me for me. I had to him everything about myself. And he told me the same. And god since that night at the pub in the bathroom stall, I could never get that image out of my head. It came to me at night along with that look. And now here he was laying under me covered in the marks I gave him and a cliched face. He was so delicate, I loved every bit of it.   
  "I've been waiting for this for so long James, I want to do this." I kissed his navel once more and then slowly unbuttoned his trousers. Swiftly I had them off  and onto the floor with the rest of the discarded clothes. I took his leg up and left tender kisses on his inner thigh making him shriver with anticipation. God I loved this man. I teased kissing his opposing thigh. His hands made a mess of my hair. I moaned into his rough touch. I kissed his thigh once more.   
  "I'll be right back love" I said giving yet another kiss and swiftly standing up. He groaned in protest. I searched through his night stand. I knew him to well to know exactly where he'd keep his condoms and a bottle of lube. I took them up in my hand and went back to my place between his legs. I looked down at him once more. His bare chest heaved in his lungs attempt at filling with labored air. His hans laid next to his head his hair sprawled out and his face. That fucking gorgeous face. His mouth hung open. His forehead caked in sweat. His hair stuck to it. And those dark eyes full of lust were fixated on me. I coated my fingers in lube and pulled his legs up so his knees rested on my hips. I leaned down and kissed him sweetly. He moaned into my touch as I pushed a digit into him. I could hear him whimper. I gave him reassuring kisses. "If you are uncomfortable we can stop Will. If you don't want to or aren't ready we don't have to continue" I said looking at him we great concern. He shook his head as his eyes were held tight closed.   
  "No I'm  fine now, just wasn't what I was expecting" I laughed at this and kissed his forehead feeling the moisture from it. "Please keep going" I got the gist and inserted another finger. Moving them in and out slowly Will clinger to my shoulders. I curled the second digit and quite quickly found what I was looking for. Will moaned and writhed under me. Clawing at my back. "Fuck do that again" I smiled at the sudden changed and go in once again. His head lulled back. I kissed his jaw and throat covering it with hickeys. He moaned deep down. I loved this. Making him loose his mind. After a bit I felt he was good enough now. He whined at the absence and I kissed his cheek lovely.   
  "Okay, are you ready for this? We don't have to-" he propped him self up on his hand.   
  "Shut the fuck up and fuck me" his voice was deep and husky, how could I deny him? I kissed him rough pushing him down on the bed. Our younger battled for dominance. I soon won as I pushed into him. The feeling was heavenly and it to took every once of my to not fall apart right then. He held me tight to him littering my with his lovely kisses from those holy lips. We stayed like that for a moment cherishing it. We had both waited so long. To long I decided as I thrust up causing him to yelp as our hips met over and over. His legs draped around my hips pulling me closer to him. I bit at his next as he held tight. It all started to become to much and I knew I was close. I could tell he was as well. I pushed in deep one last time seeing stars and curing his name mangled with him shouting mine. I collapsed on top of him. His lungs chased for air and so did mine. I rolled off of him taking his hand in mine.   
  "Holy shit that was-"  
  "Fucking fantastic" he said following how I felt. I looked into his eyes he was smiling wide at me to the point the side of his eyes wrinkled. I followed in suit. He giggled and kissed the top of my hand that held his.   
  "God you are beautiful Will, absolutely stunning" I could feel myself welling up with tears again "I missed you so much, so fucking much." Tears rolled down his own cheeks.   
  "I'm sorry James, I'm sorry for it all, I missed you, and I love you so much. So fucking much." He cuddled close to my chest still holding my hand and cried into my neck. I rubbed his back lovingly and kissed his head. So many years, so far apart.   
  "I love you too Will. I never let go. Not for a minute" he looked up at me and kissed me softly. His lips tasted of tears.   
  We decided to get some sleep and cuddled under the covers. I held him tight to me, worried that when I opened my eyes he'd be gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be writing a new chapter soon loves!! As soon as I can!!


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